Writing makes me feel better

I have no idea how to start this post, and then transition into the point of the post, so off we go.

For starters, I am so lucky that I married someone who truly pushes me to be better than I ever thought I was. I feel like I say that all the time (Maybe I don't. Maybe I just think it a lot) and I hate to be the girl that swears up and down that "No really, I got the greatest guy. Seriously, I'm the luckiest," because I'm obviously biased, but I seriously lucked out with the guy that I just so happened to fall in love with.

I never really thought that I needed someone to make me better. I thought I was pretty alright. I always had a decent dose of confidence and my Mom always told me I was a catch...I never was that girl that looked for someone to make me a better person. I never looked for validation from a guy.

And yet, here I am, a better person for the man that I married. Ironic, hey. Such is life, I suppose. Can't believe sometimes how much he believes in me.

I'm struggling with some things right now. I've got some pretty exciting life plans that with some hard work , little bit of luck, and someone looking down on me could potentially unfold right before my eyes quite beautifully. But it's really hard for me to see myself there.

I'm not always sure I deserve it. Although, I also think if anyone deserves it...it's me. How entitled.

Whew. I'm stressing myself out with my indecisiveness about my worth.

During a conversation between Matt and I, I was reminded of a quote from one of my favorite photographers, Jasmine Star. She says that her husband told her that he would rather see her fail at something she loves, than succeed at something she hates.

I realized during that conversation that I'm mastering both of those. By holding onto fears, worries, my stresses, I am limiting my success at something that I so badly want to succeed at. And by not letting go of those same fears, worries and stressors, I am succeeding at a job that I wouldn't quite say I hate, but that I definitely don't love, by continuing to put energy, time, and effort into a job that is strictly that. Just a job....

Sometimes the easiest decisions to make are so hard to actually do.