I literally just took the biggest sigh right before I started typing.

I'm in such a weird transition in my life. Actually, I take that back. The transition itself isn't strange, but I think that the way I am feeling about it all is what's weirding me out. I think I thought that this would bring such a sense of peace and calmness and fresh air. And maybe it will. It hasn't officially kicked off yet, but I didn't have the whole "weight lifted off your shoulders" feeling when I approached my boss about quitting like I thought I would. I'm not giddy and excited, anxiously counting down the days. I'm just waiting for the days to pass. Which is why I felt it necessary to quit in the first place. I felt like that was all that I did anyways. Waiting for time to go by, finding ways to keep myself busy. Wished weeks away so that I could be in a different place, and here I am, fastly approaching this new period in my life and I'm beyond stressed and not at all relishing in the moment as though I feel any book of quotes would be telling me to do right now.

And then I'm struck with the guilt. I am so keenly aware of how lucky and blessed I am to be able to not only have been given the desire for something that could be a financial relief and makes me the happiest, but to have an opportunity and an incredibly supportive husband that has been telling me to quit my job for the last year to chase this "not so crazy" crazy dream of mine. (My husbands words are in the quotes. See. I'm lucky.) I can't help but feel as though I am being irresponsible/immature/selfish for wanting to quit a steady paycheck and overall great job. I can't help as though feeling like a B-I-you-know-what for claiming that I'm too stressed to keep working full time, part time picture taking, once a week obligation to an internship, and God Forbid I give up my social life on the weekends!

See what I mean. I am selfish.

But, I've been given an opportunity. And keeping all of the above mentioned in the back of my mind, I'd be an idiot not to take it.

I've come to the conclusion that I don't deal well with stress. I've never really had too...and so now, as an adult, I'm not sure where to channel it.

Would you believe me if I told you that this was so NOT anywhere close to what I was going to write about. I actually wanted to record a few of my co-workers responses to me quitting, just so that I don't forget how they made me feel. Actually, one of them didn't even say anything. She made a hand gesture, and it was all I needed to know that there is a good chance I am making the right decision.

Art is so funny. I'd love to divulge into my inner artist and decide, within myself, why I truly create it. It's a double edged sword if you ask me. But that's for another post.

For now...to relishing.